23-Sep-17

It’s 4:37 am and I’ve been up since 2:30.  I can’t sleep.  I woke up sweating due to the lack of cool air in our cement sanctuary, and now my mind won’t shut off.  Barrett and I have to work hard to figure out what day it is now as there are no more weekends to help us define them.  Each day our men in uniform meet in our community center turned command center to assess the state of our families as well as all of Puerto Rico.  When will the ports open so goods can return?  Is there still a post office?  Will our school reopen soon?  Have they contacted all of the spouses living out in town?  Are roads passable?  How many people can be brought here in order to help with restoration but without overtaking the limited supplies we do have?  Unlike the continental states, there is no way to bring help via cars, campers, or buses.  Not only that, but we are the help for St. Thomas and St. Croix.  When do we go and assist them?

So as our spouses are flown, driven, and caravanned around the island in Humvees, we are laying low in housing.  Our perimeter was compromised so our security had to be upped and letting our kids run around freely became more of a fear factor.  The generators have given us lights, stove top, microwave, fans, and the ability to charge our electronics.  We have to walk to high ground to try and find cell service that allows for texting, calls, and the occasional Facebook update.  I cannot get online to check news, google, or even see what the weather is going to be like.  We have no water so with each cracked egg, cut of a fruit, or opening of a can, I can’t rinse my hands.  Well, I can, but then I’m using the water that is supposed to be for dishes, flushing toilets, or to drink.  If I use a towel, I can’t wash it.  We do have a camp shower but in order for the water to flow, we have to be on our knees or squatting, and then the water drips out cold.  But that actually feels good.  There are huge black barrel like things filled with non-drinkable water that we can use to flush toilets.  Our tub is almost empty from the toilet flushing of 5 humans in our home, so I have to walk to fill buckets of water to bring home.

We have been cleaning up branches, trees, and leaves for days (or maybe it feels like days?  What day is it anyway?).  It was so encouraging to see everyone come out to help.  Those with trucks drove around picking up the fallen nature to haul to the front of our community so we could clear the roads.  We are looking for the home that lost the solar panel and there are screens from porches littering the land.  Outside porch fans were torn off in some homes and we all had floods inside our home.  There was a working party initiated by Barrett to enter vacated homes in order to pick up what was wet and dry their floors so the owners won’t come to a moldy home.  We all told stories of seeing the water flow in from outside and laughed about our hands and forearms aching from the ringing of towels and sponges.  We didn’t have time to be scared of Maria as we all mopped, rung, and moved furniture and rugs.  But we made it and most spirits were high from enduring the storm.  In the Providence of God, the storm came in the daytime enabling us to see the flooding as it happened rather than wake up to a flooded house.  We were so thankful!  Plus, it allowed our generators to be turned on to have lights just after dark as well as a fan for bed.  What a blessing.

Outside our community we have seen flooding, power lines down, and almost every tree is either downed, halved, or leaves blown off.  The beauty of this island has been literally blown away.  The few gas stations that are open have lines that never end and I haven’t seen one grocery store or any store open.  Our fresh food is almost gone and I can’t imagine that the food in the stores will be very good when they open either…and the lines!  Whew. So if/when we run out, MRE’s will become available.

We are the blessed ones.  I have not heard back from my pastor or other friends in Dorado. The flooding has cut them off from communication and aid.  Some of our Puerto Rican spouses have not been able to get in touch with their families in other parts of the island either.  Dams have broke and over 4000 people were rescued by the national guard the day after Maria.  Where does the help begin?  Do you focus on power?  Water?  Communication?  Roads, Rescue?  The task is tremendous, especially when our leaders don’t have communication or eyes everywhere.

Most of the spouses have left on C130’s.  Only a remnant remains.  After Ronnie peed his bed this morning and I couldn’t wash it, I had to shower him with cold water, and then when he pood on the potty upstairs and I couldn’t get enough water in the basin to flush it down I became disillusioned.  If I stay, my days will be filled with going to the non-potable water source to fill buckets to bring home to flush toilets, fill the shower, and prep for the next day of doing the same.  Our home community is becoming militarized with those who are here to help and Barrett will be working nonstop.  So, we have decided that me and the kids will be evacuated as soon as we can, in order to lesson the drain on this society, free Barrett up to do what he needs to do, try to get the kids on a normal routine, and be in a safe place when the heat rises as well as the tension of a tired people trying to survive on a devastated island.  We will be returned when the command team deems the island safe and livable.  This will probably take 4-6 months.

It’s funny that I feel guilty about leaving.  Many people in the world live like we are now, am I so entitled that I can’t handle this?  I’ve had to live like this in various times of my life and I was fine.  Will months of hardship really impact our family that much?  Or would it grow them?  Our kids are our main concern.  The Lord has gifted them to us and they are taking the brunt of this trial by us not being present or fun.  They have served by picking up sticks, but they can’t do heavy work.  If I do heavy work then no one is watching them.  I’m Annabelle’s educator and if I’m going around investing in others, I’m not investing in her.  I’m not consistent in helping the twins go potty either, so their training has been affected which then makes me upset.  And I can’t wash clothes!  Ha!

Well now its almost 6am.  Today I start to pack for a climate we haven’t been in for years.  What should I bring in suitcases to be prepared to single parent 3 littles for 6 months?  How do I set up Barrett for staying here for 6 months?  I can’t even make him meals.  So weird.  One thing I know:  my God reigns.  He knows every hair on our heads, he sees each of us and knows what we need.  The spirit will help our family, I believe that.  This is part of sacrificing for the kingdom, to allow our military men and women to restore order and life to this island that is our home.  To allow Barrett to be the light of Christ to the command as they tire and weaken from endless days and nights of work.  Pray for these men and women.  They have a big job and have the capacity to impact this land for good.  Pray for those people that we have not heard from.  I’m pretty sure our church building has been destroyed.  Continue to pray that the Church will be the ones with boots on the ground loving and serving those here.

And…I can’t send this.  No internet.  Ha!