What If They Don’t Want to Play?

Let’s say you have a loved one that is so good at tennis, they can make it to the Olympics. They have previously shown themselves to be teachable, work hard, and not quit.  Let’s also imagine that you are their teacher…and qualified to be so.  But your loved one needs to practice, so you take them onto the court. You serve.  They just let it go by.  You serve again, they skip to the ball and let it go.  You serve again only to notice they are talking to the people on the court next to you.  That’s odd. You talk to them and tell them they have amazing skill and can make the Olympic team!  They smile, nod, and agree.  You serve again.  They just stare at you as the ball flies by them.  How do you feel?  Are you confused because they just told you they wanted to play, yet they haven’t engaged?  Angry?  Sad?  Disappointed?  Maybe all of these at some point.  OK, here’s the big question.  What do you do?  Quit?  Ask them questions?  Let it go for now?

The next day they say they are ready to practice, want to play, and even prayed about their attitude.  So you try again only to see them playing with their outfit, practicing air guitar, or singing a song that just popped into their head.  This goes on for about a week.  Now what?

At this point, if I’m honest, I get mad.  I really love this person but they continue to say one thing and do another.  They have so much potential and the game can be so fun!  But now it is just miserable and I don’t know how to help my love one engage to have fun and succeed.  It’s not about skill, it’s about a will to play.  We discuss about how fun the game is, that they have the skill, and are actually really good at the game and feel happy when they play.  Yet they still don’t engage.

The next line of thought for me is, “what am I doing wrong”?  Self-doubt ensues…”do they really have what it takes to make it to the Olympics?  Are my expectations wrong?  Should we try to practice again?  Do they understand how good they really are?  How can I help them see this?”  At this point…I don’t really want to play or practice anymore.  The fun is gone.  Maybe they need another coach.  Then I feel guilty because I feel like I’m giving up on them.

My mind and heart are tired.  I don’t know how to have fun when the other doesn’t play.  Yet it’s my responsibility to help them play…and they are good at it when they do engage!

Now add life outside of the game.  Sickness, plague, people dying for their faith, people dying too early, other people that seem to want to play the game with me more.  Where do I spend my time?  Who do I play tennis with?  Is Olympic tennis that important in the scheme of life right now?  If they don’t feel like playing, is it OK for me to let them quit?

I beg the Lord for wisdom.  Every morning, sometimes every minute of the day to help me desire to play with those that don’t engage.  Yet these are the players that the Lord gifted to me.  These are the ones that probably need me to play more than any other, yet I find the effort too hard some days.

If I’m honest, I do want sympathy and to be told it’s OK to give up, even for a time. But I love these players and know how amazing they are, they could really be Olympians!  I tell them so!  But each move of apathy on their part, shamefully, stirs my mad/sad monster.

Oh how I’m thankful that God doesn’t give up on me.  So often I’m the one that doesn’t engage.  He has given me talents and abilities but I don’t engage. I sing, lope, sleep, or talk to my neighbor instead of Him.  If we are made in His image, then I know He has emotions.  I bet He does get mad/sad/disappointed, just like I do with my loved ones…but His patience is endless.  He doesn’t wallow when its hard and I continue not to engage in the game of life He has for me.  In fact, He forgives me for my defiance and indifference of His help that comes through His word, church, and prayer.  He never gets tired of forgiving me.  How is that possible?  I got tired at 10am this morning when players said they would engage and then didn’t for the umpteenth time.  He doesn’t.  Why?  Because He is good.

He is a good God who is long suffering, slow to anger, and loves because of who He is, not of how I behave.  That is unfathomable to me.  It is humbling to me.  It convicts my soul.

If He gives me new mercies every morning, how can I not do the same?

“OK kids, go to the school room!”