We’re Adopting
But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” – Galatians 4:4-6
We’re adopting! We are so grateful to announce that the Lord has given us the great privilege of adopting two children from Ethiopia. And we want you to rejoice with us as we take you along the journey of how Lord has led us to this place.
We have already been asked a lot of questions up to this point, so we thought we would share our journey by answering some of the questions we have already been asked. Enjoy.
When did you decide to adopt?
We actually began talking about adoption before marriage. We hadn’t made any definitive decisions about when and where, but we knew it was something we both had a heart for.
It wasn’t until we began attending adoption conferences, speaking extensively with those who had adopted, met orphans, and reading books on adopting that we became really excited. We began doing a lot of research about two years ago and we officially began the process in February of 2012.
Why are you adopting from Ethiopia?
We were open to the Lord leading us anywhere to adopt. A parentless child is a parentless child. But being stationed in Okinawa, Japan, we naturally looked here first. Despite all our efforts, we found it nearly impossible to adopt a Japanese child.
In the meantime, as we were reading one particular book together, Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore, we became excited about international adoption, Russia in particular. Through lots of prayer we decided to go in that direction.
In God’s grace, there were two other couples on Okinawa who were at the same stage as we were – the beginning! We all pitched in and flew a representative from A Love Beyond Borders out of Colorado to conduct our home studies in order to see if we are fit to adopt. We all passed!
Once we passed our home study, we researched and chose Christian World Adoption as our agency to help us adopt from Russia. They told us we could have a child in about a year! The paperwork and online adoption classes required to qualify us for Russia took us about 7-8 months. It was December of 2012 and we had finished it all. We sent in all our paperwork to Washington D.C. to get notarized and one week later, President Vladimir Putin, for political retaliation against the U.S., closed Russia for adoptions.
We were devastated. We could do nothing about it. We grieved and prayed for about three weeks.
About the forth week, the Lord had encouraged us and we were compelled to look at different options. We called Christian World Adoption only to learn they had went bankrupt! The closure of Russia had effectively put them and many agencies out of business. We lost the money and the paperwork.
By God’s grace, we decided not to give up. We were open to adopt from any country. Due to various parental right laws, we found adopting from the U.S. would be incredibly difficult since we would be stationed here in Okinawa for another three years. So, we began looking at countries all over the world. We began finding that most of the countries would take about 3-5 years to get a child, including, sometimes, a long stay by both parents in the country.
We then learned that the adoption process for several African countries took about a year. After several conversations with each other, talking with friends, and a lot of prayer we choose Ethiopia.
What are some facts about the orphan problem in Ethiopia?
From A Love Beyond Borders website:
There are estimates of as many as four million children in Ethiopia living without parents or families. These children are orphaned by poverty, AIDS, political conditions and disabling infrastructure. Yet even faced with these conditions the people and children of Ethiopia live an emotionally generous life, embodying the philosophy of “It takes a village to raise a child.” This means that an older child adopted from Ethiopia who has lived in an extended family environment — even those living in orphanages – may typically manifest fewer developmental or emotional issues as a child adopted from orphanages in other countries. –http://www.bbinternationaladoption.com/ethiopia_adoption.shtml
Here also is a good video put out my PBS on Ethiopian adoption:
video.pbs.org/video/2365084296/
Why did you choose to adopt two children?
In much of the reading we did and in our conversations with A Love Beyond Borders, we quickly learned the benefit of adopting two at a time. A lot of times, the orphan children are sibling groups. As you can imagine, separating them can be very difficult for them. We also learned that it is very helpful for an international adopted child to grow up with someone that looks like him or her and has a similar story and background. In addition, we were open to adopting another child in the future, so due to all the work we had to do, we decided to go ahead and get two at once.
Do you realize that you are going to have 3 children under the age of 3 in your home?
Yes.
Are you crazy?
Apparently. Please pray for us!
How old will they be?
As many of you know, we had Annabelle two and a half years ago. The books and our adoption agency encouraged us to keep birth order. So we are requesting that they both be under the age of two years old.
What gender will they be?
We genuinely have no hard preference on their gender. We think having one boy and one girl would be fun, but we said we are open to whatever gender combination is available.
Will they be healthy?
Coming from a third world country, there is the possibility of the children having a host of problems – diseases, deformities, and malnutrition. They gave us a range of problems we would be willing to accept. Basically, we choose to say we would be willing to accept children with minor medical issues and/or correctable deformities.
Where are you at in the process?
After we chose Ethiopia, we called A Love Beyond Borders (who did our home study), an agency in Colorado, and began the process. Again, after about six months of paperwork – grueling paperwork, I might add – we finished it all. We are now in what they call the “referral stage,” officially waiting for the phone call or email saying they have children available for us.
I heard adoption is expensive; can you afford this?
Adoption can be very expensive – and some countries are more expensive than others! Obviously, you can’t put a price tag on the life of any human being, but the reality is that these things cost. When all is done, the adoption will cost about $40,000.
We certainly went into this mindful of the costs and weighing whether we could afford it. We calculated that if we had to pay everything out of pocket, we could do it.
By God’s grace we have been able to pay all of our adoption costs so far and feel that we are saving in such a way that we will be able to pay the rest of the remaining costs.
What happens once you hear something?
When we receive that email, we will be given pictures, background history, and medical information about the children. We will then have two weeks to decide to adopt the children. If for some reason we have to refuse the children, the adoption agency will begin to look for us again.
If we do choose the children, then the U.S. embassy in Ethiopia does an intensive 3-4 month background check on the children to ensure they are truly orphans with no family who chooses to care for them. Once the U.S. clears them, we will fly to Ethiopia for seven days to meet the children and legally adopt them in court. We then will fly back to Okinawa and wait thirty days while our paperwork clears the Ethiopian governmental system. Once it is cleared, we will fly back, pick up the children, and bring them home.
Do you have room in your home for two more children?
Yes, the Lord has been very kind by giving us a large enough home here in Okinawa where there will be plenty of room for three little munchkins to run around.
Are you worried how the children will adjust?
It’s impossible to know what the children will have experienced by the time we adopt them. They may have been abused, abandoned, ignored, and malnourished. Or they may have been treated very well! We have read a lot of books and spoken with a lot of families who have adopted internationally and we feel (relatively) prepared for a host of issues. Truthfully, we have found that many of the problems they have faced are overcome with an incredible amount of parental love. We will seek by the strength of the Spirit and through the patience and love of Christ to patiently love them through their transition.
When will you tell your children they are adopted?
Everything we have read encourages us to tell them about their adoption immediately – or at least when they can begin comprehending the idea. Even more, we want their adoption to be a part of their story, their identity. We certainly also want it to be a picture for them and for Annabelle of what God has done for us through Jesus Christ by going to a distant land to rescue us as orphans and to make us his children.
Do you know the children are black?
Shockingly enough, we have been asked this question! Yes, we know they will be black.
Do you think adopting black children is wise?
We think any parent willing to adopt any orphan child is wise.
Do you realize you will face various and a wide range of challenges now and in the future by adopting black children?
Yes.
How do you plan on integrating black children into your family?
Our plan is simply to integrate the children into our family, with love, affection, and joy. God does not differentiate one person from another person as a result of skin color and neither will we.
One thing we are excited about in our adoption is to reflect in our home a little piece of heaven where one day we will see every tribe, tongue, and nation worshiping around the throne of God.
What will you say when one of your children asks about the color of their skin?
We will say that the same reason we have different skin color is the same reason we all have different colors of eyes and hair – God enjoys and glorifies himself in variety.
What will you say when they begin understanding that racism exists?
We will seek to carefully explain to them the unfortunate events in history and the challenges they very well may face in the future. We will explain to them that racism exists because we live in a world where people live in rebellion to God’s command to love all people, but that our hope is in Jesus Christ who will one day return and end the divisiveness we experience.
Will you keep them connected to some of their Ethiopian heritage?
Yes, we plan to teach them about where they were born, teach them Ethiopian culture, and maybe even implement Ethiopian meals in our diet! We hope someday to fly them back in order to learn more about their rich history.
Are you worried how Annabelle will do?
By the time we get the kids, Annabelle will be about three years old. We think any child who has received all the attention for three years will face challenges when a new sibling comes along. Like any parents who have multiple children, we will have to teach her to love and serve her new siblings.
In addition, being in the military (and in Japan) has exposed Annabelle to a variety of different looking people – especially on the playground. She has never shown signs of trepidation to others who look different than her. We believe, by God’s grace, she will integrate well with them.
Will you treat your children adopted and biological children different?
We do not believe a biological connection alone is what constitutes a parent in the full sense of the word. We believe what constitutes true parents are parents who choose to legally declare a child as their own with all the entailed responsibility. In other words, just because Annabelle is our biological child doesn’t necessarily make us her parents. Yes, she biologically comes from us, but we also choose to legally make her our own and to take full responsibility for her. We could have easily given up our rights and given her to someone else.
In the same way, we will view our adopted children as equal with our biological child. All three will equally be children we legally declared as our own and of whom we are fully responsible. They will be equally loved and equally spoiled.
How do you plan on explaining to people who ask about your children?
We realize we will be asked throughout life a variety of questions, like, “Is Annabelle really yours?” We understand that what people are asking is if she is biologically ours. We are happy to tell people our children’s various stories, but we will seek to show people that we do not differentiate between our kids; they are all our children.
How are people responding to your adoption?
Truthfully, we have had two extremes. One extreme are those who are totally positive and excited about our adoption while the other extreme are those who continue to remind us of all the negative aspects of our decision. We obviously want and welcome good counsel, but to be regularly questioned or second-guessed on our decision can be very discouraging. But fortunately, most people have been incredibly excited for us, praying for us, and rejoicing with us.
When will friends and family get to see the children?
Obviously, those who are in Okinawa will get to see the children soon after we bring them home. We are told that we have to be careful initially about passing the children around to various people because we want the children to attach to us as their parents.
We will also post lots of pictures and Skype with family when we can. Probably after about six months to a year we will attempt to bring them home for their grand U.S.A. tour.
Are you adopting because you cannot have biological children anymore?
No. As far as we know, we could still have biological children. We are choosing not to try to have biological children at this time in order to provide a home for children who do not have any parents.
Will you try to have another biological child in the future?
We have not made that decision yet.
Has the adoption process been difficult?
It’s hard to put in words how very difficult the process has been. We have given about 10-20 hours of our time per week over the past year and a half to get to this point. We have rejoiced, cried, given up, grown, argued, become angry, felt relief, fear, and excitement.
It truly has been a spiritual battle. We knew Satan hates when God saves an orphaned sinner making him or her God’s child, but we never knew how much Satan hated physical adoption. In many ways, this process has at times brought out the worst in each of us. And as we talk with various friends who have or who are going through the adoption process, they have had similar stories.
How is your marriage doing through this whole process?
In conjunction with a busy military schedule it was a difficult couple of years. We had highs and we had lows, but by God’s grace we are closer than we ever have been. We thank God that he works all things for our good. We know that even through all the challenges we faced, God was working to grow our affections for everything we have in Jesus Christ. In him we rejoice.
What do you ultimately hope for your children through all of this?
We certainly want them to be excited about adoption – even open to adopting when they are parents some day. But we ultimately hope that each of our children will be excited about the adoption God provides, coming to a place in their lives where they see the majestic power and glory of God in Jesus Christ. We want them to trust him, love him, and grow up joyfully committed to him.
Do you think you have thought through everything in preparation to bring these children home?
No.
Will you keep us updated on your progress?
Of course!
How can we pray for you?
Please pray for the millions of orphans in the world, that God would rise up parents to care for these children.
Please pray for our two particular children, that God would even now be protecting and caring for them.
Please pray that God would help us to respond in trust to the unforeseen challenges we may face.
Please pray that God would continue to provide for us financially.
Please pray that God would give us wisdom to be fully prepared to bring these children home.
Pray that God would allow us to respond graciously to people who disagree with our decision.
Please pray that God would bring all of us together as a family.
Please pray that God would show his glory through Jesus Christ in our adoption.